The Abilene Paradox

“We are all in agreement… about something none of us wants.”

The Abilene Paradox occurs when a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that is counter to the preferences of many (or all) of the individuals in the group. It differs from Groupthink in one key way: In Groupthink, people often rationalize the bad idea. In the Abilene Paradox, everyone knows it’s a bad idea, but no one speaks up because they think everyone else wants it.

The Origin Story

Professor Jerry Harvey describes a family afternoon in Coleman, Texas. It’s a hot day (104°F/40°C).

• Father-in-law suggests driving to Abilene (53 miles away) for dinner.
• The wife says: “Sounds like a great idea.”
• Harvey says: “Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go.”
• Mother-in-law says: “Of course I want to go.”

They drive through a dust storm, eat a terrible meal, and return exhausted. Back home, someone confesses: “I never wanted to go. I only went because I thought you guys wanted to.” It turns out, nobody wanted to go. They all just wanted to please the others.

Why It Happens

1. Action Anxiety: Fear of acting in accordance with what we really want.
2. Negative Fantasies: We imagine that speaking up will lead to conflict or rejection (“If I say no, they will think I’m difficult”).
3. Separation Anxiety: We fear being ostracized from the group.

Conclusion

To avoid the trip to Abilene, someone must have the courage to ask: “Are we doing this because we want to, or because we think everyone else wants to?” Often, you will find a room full of relieved people who were just waiting for permission to say “No.”