Believing in Yourself: Adler's Wisdom on True Strength vs. Dreaming of Greatness

Introduction: Trapped in the Myth of Success

We live in an age that worships ‘greatness.’ From a young age, we are told to “have big dreams,” “become someone who changes the world,” and “achieve success superior to anyone else.” Bestseller sections in bookstores are filled with the heroic tales of the successful, and social media is plastered with photos of people who have attained brilliant achievements. In this atmosphere, we unconsciously suffer from the obsession that ‘if I don’t become great, my life is worthless.’

However, Alfred Adler asks us an unexpected question: “Is that greatness you dream of perhaps an excuse to run away from yourself?”

Adler says that the one who trusts their imperfect self as they are in this moment and takes a step forward is much stronger than the one who chases vague greatness. Today, let’s clear away the flashy mirage of ‘greatness’ and talk about ‘self-confidence,’ the most solid strength within us.

1. Two Faces of Striving for Superiority: Reward and Inferiority

One of the core concepts of Adlerian psychology is Striving for superiority. All humans have an instinctive will to move toward a state better than the present. This is a very healthy motivator.

However, if this ‘striving for superiority’ takes the wrong direction, it becomes a poison. This happens when we chase a ‘will to power’ to stand in a position higher than others or a ‘fake greatness’ to show off. Adler called this the Superiority complex. It’s a state of acting as if one is a great person, while deep-seated inferiority actually lies behind it.

Truly strong people do not seek to reign over others. They focus on becoming better than ‘who they were yesterday’ rather than comparing themselves with others. The stronger the desire to become great, the more we become obsessed with results and easily crumble at small failures. On the other hand, the one who believes in themselves has the strength to enjoy the process regardless of the result.

2. The Courage to Be Normal: The Greatest Challenge

One of the most paradoxical values Adler emphasized is the courage to be normal. Many people confuse ‘normality’ with ‘incompetence’ or ‘stagnation.’ However, the courage to be normal that Adler speaks of means an active attitude of accepting that “my value does not change even if I am not special.”

The reason we struggle to become great is that we simply cannot endure our ‘non-special self.’ When we cannot affirm ourselves as we are, we wear masks and dream fake dreams. But masks eventually come off, and fake dreams leave us empty.

Being normal does not mean giving up on dreams. Rather, it means gaining the freedom to focus on what I really want to do, breaking free from the obsession that ‘I must be great.’ “It’s okay if I’m not special. Therefore, I can quietly do what I have to do today.” This simple belief becomes the most powerful energy that moves the world.

3. Self-Acceptance vs. Self-Confidence

Adler recommends Self-Acceptance rather than ‘self-affirmation.’ Self-affirmation is like hypnosis, lying to oneself that “I can do it” when one cannot. In contrast, self-acceptance is not lying that one’s 60-point self is 100 points, but thinking, “I am currently at 60 points. How will I move forward from this state?”

Believing in yourself is not an optimism that you will do everything well. It is believing that I am a being who can stand up again even if I make mistakes, fail, and get frustrated.

This trust does not come from groundless confidence but from the courage to face reality. The moment we acknowledge our deficiencies, we can finally start constructive efforts to fill those gaps. The one who dreams of greatness sighs while looking at the high mountain peak, but the one who trusts themselves takes a step by treading on the soil beneath their feet.

4. Separation of Tasks: Strength Born from Discarding Others’ Expectations

The biggest obstacle that prevents us from trusting ourselves is ‘the eyes of others.’ We constantly censor how others see us and whether we fit the ‘successful image’ expected by parents or society.

Adler proposed the Separation of tasks to solve this. “How others evaluate the path I have chosen is their task, not mine.”

A life lived to satisfy others’ expectations ultimately leaves only a hollow shell of greatness. When we do not intervene in others’ tasks and focus only on our own, we can recover true self-confidence. If I don’t believe in myself, I will always be anxious even if the whole world praises me.

5. Conclusion: Your Strength is Already Within You

Greatness is not a destination to be reached, but like a fragrance that naturally emerges in the process of believing in yourself and moving forward. It’s okay if you don’t achieve great feats that surprise the world. If you do not avoid the small tasks you face today, do not struggle to hide your deficiencies, and take steps one by one, you are already stronger than anyone else.

Instead of saying “I will become great,” try saying this: “I trust myself and will go my way.”

The moment you trust yourself completely, the weight of the air around you will change. And when you look back someday, you will find that those ordinary but fierce footprints you have walked are shining more greatly than any brilliant crown.

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