The Choice Behind the Excuse: Adler's Psychology of Courage

Introduction: Can You Really Not Do It?

“I can’t succeed because I lack academic credentials.” “I can’t date because I’m too introverted.” “I can’t take on new challenges because I’m too old.”

We create countless reasons for “why I can’t” throughout our lives. These reasons are so valid and logical that even listeners nod their heads. But Adlerian psychology asks a very uncomfortable question here.

“Is it not that you ‘cannot’ do it, but that you have decided ‘not to’ do it?”

Today, we will talk about the real psychology hidden behind the “excuse of I can’t” that holds us back—the Inferiority Complex—and the courage to overcome it.

1. Inferiority Feeling vs. Inferiority Complex

Adler clearly distinguished between ‘Inferiority Feeling’ and Inferiority Complex.

Inferiority feeling is a natural emotion that everyone has. It’s the recognition that “I am lacking compared to that person.” When this works positively, it becomes a catalyst for growth. It makes you think, “I’m lacking, so I should try harder!” The progress of humanity began with this effort to overcome inferiority feelings.

But the inferiority complex is different. This is a state where inferiority feelings are used as an excuse. “I can’t do B because of A.” (A is academic background, appearance, family background, etc.; B is success, dating, employment, etc.) This causal relationship is not actually logical, but the person believes it to be absolute truth. Because believing so is comfortable.

2. Insurance to Avoid Getting Hurt

Why do we insist “I can’t” even while disparaging ourselves? Paradoxically, it protects our pride.

Suppose you believe, “I can’t get a job because I lack academic credentials.” Then you don’t have to try hard to prepare for employment. Because it won’t work ‘anyway.’ And if you really fail to get a job, you can make an excuse. “See, I told you it was because of my academic credentials. It’s not because I lack ability.” Furthermore, what if you succeed? You become a “genius who overcame the wall of academic credentials.”

In other words, the excuse “I can’t” is a shield and insurance to block in advance the hurt I would receive if I tried and failed. Adler called this the “Life Lie”. You do not lack ability; you lack the courage to face the reality that you might fail.

3. Superiority Complex: Another Face of Inferiority

Being daunted and saying “I can’t” is not the only form of an inferiority complex. Conversely, an attitude of excessively showing off oneself and trying to crush others is also an manifestation of inferiority feelings. This is called a Superiority Complex.

A person who is truly confident does not bother to boast about themselves. But a person with intense inferiority feelings deep inside enacts a false sense of superiority to hide it. Behaviours like adorning oneself with luxury goods, constantly talking about past glories, or using authority to bully subordinates fall into this category. This is also a phenomenon that occurs because one lacks the courage to accept “myself as I am.”

4. The Courage to Accept Yourself Now

Then how can we get out of this swamp? The answer Adler suggests is Self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is not groundless positivity like “I can do anything!” “I am lacking in this aspect. But this is not all of me. How can I move forward with this shortcoming?” It is an attitude of coldly facing reality.

It’s okay not to be 100 points. You deserve to be loved even if you are not perfect. You cannot change the fact that “I lack academic credentials,” but you can change your interpretation and action: “So I will build other skills and compete.”

5. Conclusion: Stop Making Excuses and Take a Step Forward

We can stop making excuses and make new choices at any time. When the words “I can’t” are about to come out of your mouth, stop for a moment and ask yourself. “Can I really not do it? Or am I looking for an excuse because I don’t want to do it?” “Am I running away because I’m afraid of failing?”

Your life is made up of your choices. Past causes (academic background, trauma) do not determine the current you. The current you is merely using the past for a purpose (excuse, avoidance).

Now, open the door of the prison that is holding you. That door is not locked. You were holding it from the inside. Opening the door and moving forward—that is the very courage Adler speaks of.

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