The Average of 5 People: Adler's Courage to Choose Your Environment

Introduction: Who is Around You?

World-renowned motivational speaker Jim Rohn left this famous quote: “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

Think about it for a moment. The friends you meet often, your colleagues at work, your family… If you average their annual income, hobbies, way of speaking, and way of thinking, surprisingly, it will be similar to the current you. We are influenced by the people around us without realizing it, and we strive to become similar to them. This is a human instinct and a survival strategy.

But Adlerian psychology goes a step further here. It admits that the environment makes us, but urge us to face the fact that “it is I myself who chose that environment.” Today, we will talk about the most powerful yet most difficult way to change oneself: Setting the Environment of Human Relationships.

1. Mirror Neurons: We Copy Each Other

In neuroscience, there is a concept called Mirror Neuron. It is a phenomenon where just by watching another person’s action, the brain activates as if I am doing that action myself. Just as yawning is contagious, emotions, attitudes, and habits are also contagious.

If you hang out with people who complain every day, you will unconsciously see the world negatively. Conversely, if you hang out with people who challenge and achieve every day, you too will get positive energy thinking, “I can do it too.” Changing oneself with willpower alone is close to impossible. Because humans are animals of the environment. Just as an orange tree becomes a trifoliate orange tree if it crosses the river (a Korean proverb meaning environment changes nature), where I belong changes my essence.

2. The Swamp of Familiarity: Why Can’t We Cut Off Bad Relationships?

Friends who hinder my development, lovers who ignore me, colleagues from whom there is nothing to learn… We know in our heads that we should stay away, but it is not easy to actually clean up the relationship. Why? Adler finds the reason in the comfort given by familiarity.

Even with friends who only complain, it is comfortable to be with them. Because they rationalize each other’s failures and comfort each other saying, “The world is wrong.” It is scary to get out of that group and run towards success. You are afraid of hearing criticism that “You have changed,” and you dislike the tension of adapting to a new environment.

In other words, we are not trapped in a bad environment, but we have chosen to stay in that environment because of the fear of change.

3. Changing the Environment is Not Betrayal

Many people think that changing the environment is ‘betrayal.’ They suffer from guilt: “How can I abandon old friends?” But let’s think calmly. Is it betrayal for you to grow and move on to a wider world? Or is it a betrayal of yourself to rot your possibilities while trapped in an old shell?

A true friend will cheer for your growth. Establishing boundaries with people who leave because you changed might mean they liked the ‘state’ where you were moderately failing, not your existence itself. Human relationships should not be stagnant water. Like flowing water, they must naturally change and circulate according to my growth.

4. Find the 5 People Who Will Make You Grow

Actively look for people you want to resemble, people who are ahead of you, and people who give positive energy. If there are no such people around you right now, you must meet mentors even through books, lectures, or communities.

“If I change, the people I meet change, and if the people I meet change, my life changes.” This is the truth. Reconstruct your 5 people. That is the most certain investment to change your future.

5. Conclusion: Become a Good Environment Yourself

Finally, there is one thing you must not forget. The fact that you are also one of the ‘closest 5 people’ to someone else. Are you a person who raises the positive average for those around you, or a person who lowers it?

If you want to meet good people, you must become a good person first. When you grow and shine, good people will gather seeing that light. Do not blame the environment, choose the environment. And become a good environment for someone yourself.

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