Happiness is Created, Not Found: Adler's Theory of Happiness

Introduction: To You, Wandering in Search of the Bluebird

We are always searching for happiness. “I’ll be happy if I make a lot of money,” “I’ll be happy if I get married,” “I’ll be happy if I get that great job.” We constantly set conditions and wait for them to be met, as if happiness were a treasure island somewhere far away. Like Tyltyl and Mytyl in the fairy tale The Blue Bird, we embark on long journeys to find happiness, only to realize belatedly that the bluebird was in our own cage at home all along.

Adlerian psychology speaks to us firmly: “Happiness is not something you find; it is something you create.”

Happiness is not a four-leaf clover found by chance. Nor is it like winning the lottery, dropping from the sky one day. Happiness is a creation you make right now by ‘deciding to be happy.’ Through Adler’s principle of Self-determination, let’s uncover the secret of how we can create happiness right this moment.

1. The Trap of ‘Conditional Happiness’: The Life-Lie of “If Only”

We often fall into the trap of ‘conditional happiness.’ Thinking “If only X happens, I would be happy” traps us in a state of eternal lack. Because once one condition is met, another deficiency immediately comes into view. If you make money, you worry about health; if you are healthy, you worry about relationships; if relationships are good, another desire rears its head.

Adler called this the Life-lie. It is avoiding responsibility for one’s current life and shifting the blame to the future, the environment, or others. Believing “I am unhappy because I have no money” is, in fact, the same as “deciding not to be happy right now, using the lack of money as an excuse.”

Does this sound harsh? But it is actually a hopeful message. It means the conditions for happiness do not lie outside ourselves. The key to happiness depends not on ‘money’ or ‘environment,’ but solely on your ‘resolve.’ No matter what situation you are in right now, you have the authority to choose happiness.

2. From Having to Being: A Paradigm Shift in Happiness

We approach happiness as a concept of ‘Having’: more money, a better house, higher status. But Adler views happiness from the dimension of ‘Being’ and ‘Doing.’ It is not what you have, but “how you live as the master of your life” that determines happiness.

Happiness is not a destination but a way of traveling. Just as the true joy of mountain climbing lies in the process of climbing itself rather than just reaching the summit, if you are striving toward a goal now, you are already qualified to be happy regardless of the result.

“I am painting right now. Therefore, I am happy.” “I am eating a delicious meal with my family right now. Therefore, I am happy.”

Happiness is not a reward that comes after a grand achievement. When you proactively give meaning to the small moments of daily life, happiness is born instantly. This is Eudaimonia, the state of true flourishing and happiness.

3. The Courage to Be Happy: The Courage to Be Normal

Why can’t we choose happiness? Paradoxically, it is because we lack the ‘courage to be happy.’ To be happy, we sometimes have to disappoint others’ expectations, be prepared to be disliked, and above all, accept our ‘non-special self.’

Adler emphasizes the courage to be normal. We mistakenly believe that we must be superior to others or special to be valuable and happy. So we constantly compare ourselves with others, try to feel superior, and suffer from feelings of inferiority. Happiness is impossible in this competition.

True happiness comes when we acknowledge that “I am valuable even if I am not special.” Even if it looks like an ordinary life to others, if I feel joy and find meaning in it, it becomes the most special life in the world. Escaping the prison of others’ eyes and affirming my life by my own standards. That is the courage to be happy.

4. Live Here and Now Like a Dance

Adlerian psychology teaches us not to be bound by the past (Etiology) or the future (uncertain dreams). The only time given to us is Here and Now.

Do not sacrifice today’s happiness for the happiness of the distant future. Students studying for exams and office workers working late should not be happy ‘when they pass’ or ‘when they get promoted,’ but should be happy ‘in this moment’ moving towards their dreams. Do not make today a time of pain to be endured.

Adler sees life not as a “line connecting dots” but as a “series of moments.” Life is like a dance. When we dance, we do not dance to arrive at a specific place. The moment of dancing itself is the purpose and joy. The place where the dance stops after spinning around is the destination.

Live this day, this moment, like a dance. Do not get too serious, do not worry about the too distant future, focus on the person in front of you now, and immerse yourself in what you are doing now. These fleeting moments will gather to complete the beautiful dance of your life.

5. Conclusion: You Are the Ultimate Ruler Who Can Create Happiness

Remember. Happiness is not a trophy to be won. Happiness is like a light switch in your mind that you can turn on and off at any time, depending on your mind.

Your hand is on the switch right now. Will you stay in the dark room complaining, “Why is it so dark?” Or will you turn on the switch, saying, “Let’s make it bright right now”?

What you need to turn on the switch is not grand effort or ability. It is just a simple and powerful determination: “I will be happy now.”

You are the absolute ruler of your life. No one, no situation can make you unhappy without your permission. So declare it right now. “I do not dream of happiness. I create happiness now.”

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