No Qualifications for Happiness: The Right to Be Imperfect and Adler's Wisdom

Introduction: Are You Taking an ‘Interview’ for Happiness?

“Is it okay for someone like me to be happy?”, “Shouldn’t I achieve at least this much before I’m qualified to be happy?”, “I still have so many deficiencies; talking about happiness is a luxury.”

Have you ever had these thoughts? Throughout our lives, we are unconsciously taught that ‘qualifications’ are necessary for happiness. Good grades, high salaries, a harmonious family, an enviable social status. As if we have to pass a rigorous visa screening to enter the country called ‘Happiness,’ we constantly struggle to prove our worth. And when we fall short of those standards, we push ourselves outside of happiness.

However, Alfred Adler makes a shocking yet tear-jerking declaration: “The qualifications required to be happy do not exist in the first place.”

Today, we will break the illusion of ‘the qualification theory of happiness’ that has been shackling us and delve into the secret of Adlerian happiness that can be enjoyed simply by existing.

1. The Trap of Success Centricity: Happiness is Not a Reward

We often regard happiness as a kind of ‘reward.’ “I studied hard, so I can play now (I can be happy)”, “I made the project successful, so I have the qualification to rest (I can be happy).” This way of thinking might help with short-term achievements, but it makes us eternal ‘debtors’ when looking at life as a whole.

If we can only be happy by achieving something, we must spend the vast majority of our time being unhappy when we are not achieving. Furthermore, the happiness that comes after achievement is so short. Once we achieve one goal, the next goal immediately waits for us, and we must run again to earn the qualification to be happy.

Adler did not see happiness as the result of achievement. For him, happiness was the result of a choice about how to live in this moment. Happiness should not be a trophy given only to the first-place winner, but a joy that every player participating in the game can feel instantly on the spot.

2. Being Value vs. Doing Value

The reason we fall into the qualification theory is that we judge our value only by ‘what we can do (Doing).’ We believe we are valuable only when we earn money, handle tasks, or contribute to others.

However, Adler emphasized Being Value. It is the perspective that one is contributing to others simply by being alive. For example, even if someone is lying in a hospital bed and cannot do anything, the mere fact that they are alive is a great comfort and joy to their family.

Even if you didn’t do anything great today or made a big mistake, your value as a being is not damaged. Happiness is not a certificate given when you become a ‘useful person,’ but the peace that comes when you affirm ‘yourself’ as you are.

3. Escaping the Prison of ‘Comparison’

The biggest reason we feel unqualified to be happy is ‘comparison.’ When we compare the flashy others on social media with our own humble reality, we feel ashamed even to bring up the word happiness. “Even those successful people are struggling; how dare someone like me?”

In Adlerian psychology, human relationships should be ‘cooperation,’ not ‘competition.’ Others are not interviewers judging your qualifications, but comrades walking the path called life together. You don’t get the qualification to be happy by becoming better than someone else.

True strength comes from not comparing yourself with others. Even if you are not as good as someone else, or if someone else is ahead of you, that has nothing to do with your happiness. Because your happiness is defined and chosen only by you.

4. The Courage to Be Happy: Another Name for ‘The Courage to Be Disliked’

Ultimately, believing that you are unqualified to be happy is evidence that you are not free from others’ eyes and social standards. Because you try to fit yourself into the ‘formula of success’ set by others, you always receive a report card saying you are unqualified.

Adler tells us to have the courage to be happy. This is identical to The Courage to Be Disliked. Choosing to be happy now, even if you disappoint others’ expectations. Having the confidence—not the shamelessness—to reveal your imperfect self to the world and say, “This is me.”

Happiness is not a permit given to qualified people. Rather, it is the freedom enjoyed only by those who declare “No qualifications are needed” and walk out of the castle gates themselves.

5. Conclusion: You Are Already in the ‘Middle of Happiness’

I want to ask those of you reading this: What kind of exam are you taking to become happy? Who is the grader of that exam?

If the grader is yourself, tear up the grading sheet immediately. And write this in the first sentence of your journal: “I decided to be happy unconditionally from today.”

Happiness is not a restaurant you booked for the future. Like buying a freshly baked loaf of bread from a roadside bakery when you’re hungry now, it is a right to be enjoyed right now. No matter what past you have lived or what situation you are in now, you are fully qualified to be happy this moment. In fact, even the word ‘qualification’ is a luxury. You should just be happy.

Allow yourself the opportunity to be happy today. You can start with something very small. Looking at the sky through the window, drinking a cup of warm tea, and saying to yourself in the mirror, “Good job, you’re enough as you are right now.” That is the beginning of happiness.

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