What to Fill in the Vessel of 'Life': A Worthwhile Life According to Adler

Introduction: What is Your Vessel Filled With?

Have you ever used the metaphor of a ‘vessel’ for life? We are born with vessels of different sizes and shapes, and we spend our lives busily trying to fill them with something. Some try to fill them with golden success, some with endless knowledge, and some with the recognition and praise of others.

However, the size of the vessel is finite. No matter how much you try to fill it, it will eventually overflow, or you will face moments of regret when there is no room for what is truly precious. Alfred Adler asks us: “Are the things you are filling it with so diligently actually making your life truly abundant?”

From the perspective of Adlerian psychology, what’s more important than what we fill it with is why we are trying to fill it and where it is leading us. Today, through the lens of Adler, let’s explore in depth how to fill the vessel of our lives in the most beautiful and valuable way.

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1. The Fake Content of ‘Deficiency’: The Paradox of Inferiority

We often believe that the motivation to fill our vessel starts from ‘lack.’ Thinking “I am unhappy because I lack this” or “I feel inferior because I am not as good as that person” are powerful engines that make us put things into our vessels.

Adler did not view feelings of inferiority negatively; rather, he saw them as a healthy stimulus for human development. However, the problem arises when we fill the vessel with ‘fake content’: luxury goods to show off to others, power to hide one’s vulnerabilities, or endless possessiveness to cover up inner poverty. These only make the vessel heavy without ever satisfying us.

The heavier the vessel becomes, the faster we tire and the less room we have to look around. You must first check if what’s filling your vessel is a heavy stone called ‘the desire to look better than others.‘

2. Beyond the Illusion of Having: The Joy of Being

We often mistakenly think that ‘if I have more (Having), I will be happy.’ But possession only gives temporary satisfaction before vanishing. The dopamine from buying a new car doesn’t last more than a few months, and even as the numbers in your bank account increase, inner anxiety does not fade.

Adler emphasized that true happiness depends not on ‘what you have’ but on who you are (Being) and what you are doing (Doing). In other words, it’s not the jewel in the vessel itself that matters, but how you polish that jewel and with whom you share it.

A worthwhile life is the process of building your own unique Lifestyle and discovering proactive meaning within it. When you help someone with your talents, look at the world with warm eyes, and discover yourself growing every moment, the vessel of your life finally begins to emit a gentle light.

3. The Art of Embracing the World: Social Interest

The essence of Adlerian psychology and the most important jewel to put in the vessel of life is Social Interest (Gemeinschaftsgefühl, Social Interest).

Humans cannot exist alone. When we lack the feeling of being connected to others and the conviction that we are contributing to the community, we fall into deep loneliness and futility. If you fill your vessel with things only for ‘yourself,’ that vessel will feel empty inside no matter how flashy it is.

Social interest doesn’t just mean doing a lot of volunteer work. It’s a mindset of regarding others’ happiness as your own joy and finding a small role you can play to make the world a better place. Fill your vessel with ‘consideration for others’ and ‘connectedness with the world.’ The moment you accept others as comrades rather than competitors, your vessel expands infinitely to embrace the world.

4. The Three Tasks of Life: Love, Work, and Friendship

Adler proposed three tasks we must face in life. These tasks are also specific ways to fill our vessel:

1. Work: Not just a means of making a living, but a process of contributing to society and realizing oneself by exercising one’s abilities.
2. Friendship: The joy of establishing horizontal relationships with others, respecting each other’s existence, and building trust.
3. Love: The sublime experience of expanding one’s self through the closest and deepest bonds and dedicating oneself to the partner.

Facing these three tasks head-on without running away, and capturing the conflicts and joys experienced in the process in your vessel—that is what Adler calls a ‘courageous life.’ It’s okay not to be perfect. The very effort to try, fail, and reconnect will fill your vessel with the most human beauty.

5. Conclusion: Now Empty Your Vessel, and Fill It Again

When you pass the middle of your life or suddenly feel that life is futile, what you might need is not to fill more, but to ‘empty’ it. Boldly throw out heavy burdens such as others’ eyes, unnecessary competitiveness, past wounds, and perfectionism from your vessel.

And fill that empty space with immersion and love for the here and now. Fill it with the belief that your existence is a joy to someone, and the conviction that you are making this world a little better, even if only in a small way.

The vessel of your life is not for display to show others. It is for you to touch, use, and share warmth with the people you love. Today, what kind of warm story is being captured in your vessel?

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Read More:

• Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler
• The Meaning of Social Interest
• The Courage to Be Disliked: An Introduction to Adlerian Psychology