Only I Can Hurt Myself: How to Regain Control over Your Emotions

Introduction: Why do we crumble at the words of others?

A careless criticism from someone, a scolding from a boss, or a cold attitude from a friend. We often say we are ‘hurt’ in many situations in life. That wound sometimes haunts us for days, months, or even years.

However, there is a crucial fact we often overlook: others only throw ‘words’ or ‘actions.’ The one who converts them into a ‘wound’ and stabs them into their own heart is, ultimately, ourselves.

Today, borrowing from a famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, I want to talk about how we can take back control of our emotions from others.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

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1. The Space Between Stimulus and Response

Psychologist Viktor Frankl wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

When a stimulus (criticism, neglect, etc.) comes from the outside, we have the right not to react immediately. Just because someone throws trash at you doesn’t mean you have to catch it and hold it in your arms.

• Others’ words: “Why can’t you do your job better than this?” (Stimulus)
• My space for choice: ‘These words are just that person’s mood or standard. They aren’t an objective indicator of my incompetence.’ (Interpretation)
• My response: “I will work on improving those areas.” (Maintaining composure)

A wound occurs when I admit that the stimulus is ‘right’ or connect it to ‘my value.‘

2. Setting Emotional Boundaries

If you are easily hurt by others’ words, it might be because your emotional boundaries are blurred. It’s a state where you can’t separate others’ emotions from your own.

Just because someone else is angry doesn’t mean you have to be angry too. That anger belongs to them, not you. Just because someone criticizes you doesn’t mean you become someone worthy of criticism. That criticism is merely their perspective.

Build your own transparent defensive wall. Practice letting others’ words bounce off that wall.

3. Changing Your Attitude Toward Wounds

The expression ‘being hurt’ carries a passive meaning—a feeling that “it was done to me.” However, if you change this to “I chose to accept those words as a wound,” the situation is reversed.

Because if I chose it, it means I can also reject it. Your value can only be defined by you. Don’t leave your precious self to the low-level tool of others’ evaluations.

4. Checking Your Inner Voice

More fearsome than external attacks is the voice inside. Are you replaying a criticism someone threw at you once, hundreds or thousands of times in your head, tormenting yourself?

What truly hurts is not the one-time attack from others, but your own obsession with holding onto it. The moment you let those words go, the wound disappears.

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Conclusion: For a Free Soul

Do not give others the authority to hurt you. Only you should hold the key to the fortress of your mind.

Did someone touch your heart today? Then quietly shout to yourself: “That is just your thought, not my truth. I decide not to receive these words as a wound.”

No one in the world can destroy you. Only you can protect yourself, and only you can build yourself up. I support your peaceful day.