Don't Give the Steering Wheel of Your Life to Anyone Else: A Final Resolve for Autonomous Living

Introduction: Who is Steering Your Ship?

Imagine a giant ship sailing on the vast ocean of life. Who is sitting in the cockpit of that ship? Is it you, or is it others shouting “Go this way” to you?

We hear countless advice and interference in our lives. “At this age, you should do at least this much,” “This job is promising these days,” “There’s nothing bad about listening to your parents.” As we change course by being swept away by these words, we suddenly find ourselves arriving at a strange port we didn’t want.

Today, the final theme that marks the finale of this blog series is reclaiming the sovereignty of my life. I will talk about how to firmly hold the steering wheel of life in my own hands again.

1. Others’ Evaluations are Reference Information, Not Your Route

The biggest reason we give the steering wheel to others is because of ‘fear of failure’ and the ‘need for approval.’ If you do as others tell you, you have an excuse even if you fail, and if you meet their standards, you can be praised.

However, recall once again the Separation of Tasks, the most powerful tool Adlerian psychology gives us. No matter what choice you make, the person who takes responsibility for the result is not others but ‘you.’ Others’ evaluations are just their preferences. Use it as a reference, but do not make it the absolute standard for your route. Only you can define your destination.

2. Breaking Away from the Illusion of ‘Ordinary’

One of the loudest voices that opresses us is the saying, “Ordinary people all do it like that.” But this standard of ‘ordinary’ is like a ghost without substance. It’s just a giant trap of statistics created by society.

For an autonomous life, you need your own Internal Standard. Even if it looks a little slow or the direction looks different from others, if it matches your inner truth, that is the correct answer. In a life without a guaranteed correct answer, the most valuable life is the one I chose for myself, even if it’s a wrong answer. A person who has sovereignty over their life can embrace even failure as ‘their own history.‘

3. Courage is Not the Absence of Fear, but Going Through It

Tremendous courage is needed to take the steering wheel directly. The fact that I must make all the decisions alone on a storm-tossed sea sometimes overwhelms us.

Courage is not a state of not feeling fear. It is feeling afraid but nevertheless willingly going forward with that fear because I love my life. The ‘Courage to be Disliked’ that Adler spoke of is ultimately connected to the ‘Courage to Exist as Me.’ The rough waves encountered on the route I chose are not trials that harass me, but blessings that temper me into the true me.

4. Final Voyage Plan: Toward a Future Like Me

At this moment, start small practices to lead your life autonomously.

Changing ‘Must’ to ‘Want’: Find the point where I truly feel joy among the things I was swayed by a sense of duty.
Practicing Small Refusals: Try saying ‘no’ politely to unreasonable requests from others or suggestions that don’t meet my standards. Your will will fill that gap.
Celebrating Yourself: Fully rejoice and record even very small achievements made by your decision.

Conclusion: Your Voyage is Just Beginning Now

During the past sessions, we have shared how to handle wounds, the meaning of trust and relationships, and the courage to choose happiness. The destination of all these stories is ultimately one. The fact that you are the one and only captain of your life.

The voyage of life can sometimes be lonely and encounter rough storms. However, if you hold the steering wheel tight and move forward looking at your own star, the voyage is already successful. Move forward using your heartbeat as a compass, not others’ maps.

I sincerely support your courageous voyage. Now, step out with confidence into your own sea.