Ch9. Writing Style and Sentence Structure in US Official Documents

Core Principles of US Official Writing Style

Three principles of official document style:
① Clarity: remove unnecessary modifiers and redundant phrases
② Precision: avoid vague language; cite specific figures and facts
③ Objectivity: minimize subjective judgment and emotional language

Plain Language Act (2010): US federal agencies are required
to use clear, concise, well-organized language.

Subject–Verb Agreement

Common Agreement Errors

1. Subject and predicate mismatch:
Incorrect:
"The goal of this initiative is to improve regional economic
 conditions by strengthening…"
→ "goal is to improve … by strengthening" — dangling modifier

Correct:
"The goal of this initiative is to strengthen the regional economy."
or
"This initiative aims to strengthen the regional economy."

2. Compound subject with singular verb:
Incorrect:
"The Director and the Deputy Director has reviewed the report."

Correct:
"The Director and the Deputy Director have reviewed the report."

Double-Subject Constructions

Incorrect:
"This project's results are expected to be positive."
→ ambiguous referent (whose results?)

Correct:
"We expect positive results from this project."
or
"This project is expected to yield positive results."

Active vs. Passive Voice

Overuse of passive voice (avoid):
Incorrect: "The review was conducted." (who did it?)
Correct:   "The Finance Division conducted the review."

Incorrect: "Implementation will be undertaken."
Correct:   "The agency will implement the plan."

Double passive (never use):
Incorrect: "It was believed to have been seen." (layers of passive)
Correct:   "Staff reported seeing it."

Hedging verbs (avoid responsibility evasion):
Incorrect: "We will endeavor to have someone look into it."
Correct:   "We will investigate and respond by June 30."

Transitions and Connective Words

Transition principles:
① Remove transitions that add no meaning
② Use explicit connectors only at paragraph breaks

Transitions to avoid:
- Overuse of "Additionally," "Furthermore," "Moreover" → use a list instead
- "However" at the start of every contrasting sentence → restructure

Recommended connectors:
- "Therefore," / "As a result," (consequence)
- "Accordingly," (formal follow-up action)
- "Furthermore," (additive — use sparingly)
- "Note that" / "However," (exception or caveat)
- "In contrast," (contrast)

Paragraph Organization

Paragraph structure:
① One paragraph = one main idea
② Inverted pyramid: key point → supporting evidence → detail
③ Use numbered or bulleted lists to organize multiple items

Weak paragraph structure:
"This project has three goals — A, B, and C — and will require
$500,000 over six months, with John Smith as the lead, using an
outside contractor for implementation…"
→ Information overload in one sentence

Strong paragraph structure:
"The project overview is as follows:
1. Goals: A, B, C
2. Budget: $500,000
3. Timeline: June 1 – November 30, 2026
4. Lead: John Smith (ext. 1234)
5. Method: Third-party contractor"

Eliminating Weak Language

Wordy phrases → Preferred:
"At the present time"         → "Currently" / "Now"
"Due to the fact that"        → "Because"
"In the event that"           → "If"
"It is recommended that"      → "We recommend"
"For the purpose of"          → "To"

Vague commitments → Specific language:
"We will aggressively pursue…"     → "We will complete by July 31, 2026."
"We will coordinate with partners" → "We will meet with [Agency] within 10 days."
"As soon as possible"              → "By June 30, 2026"

Key Concept Cards

Active Voice ★★★★★ : Name the actor and use active voice. “The committee approved the budget” — not “The budget was approved.” Memory tip: Who did what? Put the actor first.

Inverted Pyramid Structure ★★★★★ : Lead with the conclusion/main point; follow with rationale and detail. Senior readers should understand the key message from the first paragraph alone. Memory tip: Conclusion first → reasoning → details.

Specific Deadlines ★★★★☆ : Replace “soon,” “promptly,” and “at your earliest convenience” with exact dates. Vague timeframes are unenforceable. Memory tip: Dates = specific; “soon” = unenforceable.

Practice Quiz

Q. What is wrong with “We will aggressively pursue this initiative,” and how should it be rewritten?

It is a vague commitment. Rewrite as: “We will complete Phase 1 by July 31, 2026, using [specific method].”

Q. Correct the subject-verb mismatch: “The purpose of this program is to assist local businesses by providing…”

“The purpose of this program is to assist local businesses.” (subject = “purpose,” predicate = “is to assist”) — or restructure: “This program assists local businesses by providing…”

OIYO Editorial