Funeral Etiquette Around the World — Korea, Japan, China, the US, and Europe

Why funeral etiquette differs so much from country to country

A funeral is where a society’s religion, view of death, and community culture all come together most visibly. The same underlying feeling of condolence can be expressed in completely different ways depending on where you are. Show up to a funeral abroad and act on autopilot the way you would at home, and it can easily come across as a serious breach of etiquette. Here’s what matters most in each region.

Korea

Dress: black, formal, muted colors. No bright colors or revealing clothing.
Condolence money: cash in a white envelope, often marked
”賻儀” (condolence) on the front. Custom favors odd- numbered amounts (30,000, 50,000, 70,000, 100,000 won).
Greeting the deceased: incense offering / flower offering at the altar → two full bows plus a half-bow toward the portrait, then one mutual bow with the chief mourner.
Religious families may substitute a moment of silence or a flower offering instead of bowing.
Words: “I offer my deepest condolences” (삼가 고인의 명복을
빕니다). No loud talking or laughter.
Food: mourners are typically served food (spicy beef soup, sliced boiled meat, etc.); heavy drinking is frowned upon.

If you don’t know how to bow properly, offering a flower or bowing your head in silence is a perfectly acceptable substitute.
Never greet the chief mourner with a casual “hello.”

Japan

Dress: formal mourning black (喪服, mofuku). Women often wear a black dress with pearls (a traditional symbol of tears).
Condolence money: called 香典 (kōden). Given in a special black-and-silver-tied envelope (不祝儀袋). Bills should be used, not brand-new ones — using crisp new bills implies you prepared for the death in advance. The envelope is carried wrapped in a small cloth (袱紗, fukusa) and presented at the reception desk.
Incense: 焼香 (shōkō) — a pinch of incense powder is raised to forehead height, then placed in the incense burner.
Words: “Go shūshō-sama desu” (ご愁傷さまです) — “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
In Japan, using crisp, new bills is considered poor form — the opposite of Korean custom, where fresh bills are common.
The numbers 4 (死, “death”) and 9 (苦, “suffering”) are avoided wherever possible.

China

Dress: white (白事) was the traditional mourning color; black is now common in modern cities too, often mixed with white.
Condolence money: given in a white envelope (never red — red envelopes are reserved for celebrations), in an odd amount.
Greeting the deceased: three deep bows from the waist (鞠躬, jūgōng) is standard.
Taboos: red and other bright, festive colors are strictly avoided.
Customs vary significantly by region and ethnicity (Han Chinese practices differ from those of ethnic minorities, and from customs in Hong Kong or Taiwan).
White chrysanthemums are the customary funeral flower.

The US and the broader West

Sequence: a wake/viewing → the funeral service → burial (or
       cremation).
Dress: dark, understated formal wear (black, navy, gray).
       Black is not strictly required.
Condolences: giving cash is not customary. Flowers, a
       sympathy card, or a donation to a charity the family
       has named (often noted as "in lieu of flowers") are
       the standard gestures.
Words: "I'm so sorry for your loss."
Religion: church funerals follow the customs of that specific
       denomination — expect prayers, hymns, and related rites.

Handing over cash can actually be seen as inappropriate — a card, flowers, or a donation is the expected gesture instead.
After the service, guests often bring food to a reception at the family’s home (sometimes called a “repast”).

The UK

Broadly similar to the US, but with a more reserved tone overall. Black clothing is more common, and “My condolences” is the typical phrase. It’s also customary to attach a card with a personal message to any flowers you send.

The Muslim world

Burial: burial happens quickly, usually within 24 hours of death (cremation is not practiced).
Dress: modest and conservative. Women typically cover their hair, arms, and legs.
Mourning: a formal mourning period of about three days
(Ta’ziyah), during which visitors call on the family to offer comfort.
Taboos: flowers, music, and excessive wailing are generally discouraged. Visitors often offer the phrase “Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un” (“To God we belong, and to Him we shall return”).

Religious observance is taken very seriously — when in doubt, the safest approach is to follow the lead of the local community and the family.

Quick comparison

Country/region	Condolence gift	Dress	Key taboo
Korea	White envelope, odd amount	Black	Casual greetings like “hello”
Japan	Kōden, used bills only	Black + pearls	New bills, the number 4
China	White envelope, odd amount	White/black	The color red
US/West	Flowers or a donation (not cash)	Dark colors	Giving cash
Muslim world	Varies by region	Conservative	Cremation, flowers

Universal ground rules

Avoid loud talking, laughter, or using your phone.
When in doubt about color, always default to dark and understated.
Don’t ask the grieving family for details about the cause of death.
If you’re unsure of the local religion or customs, simply follow what the people around you are doing.

The essence of funeral etiquette isn’t the specific ritual — it’s respect for the deceased and the people they left behind. The forms differ by country, but that underlying respect is universal.